Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Most folks are as happy as they make their minds to be. Abraham Lincoln
Are our expectations a hurdle to happiness? Dennis Prager, in one of his podcasts, says they are. He said he was in university when one of his professors told him goals and expectations were killers of happiness. He decided to eliminate expectations but not goals from his life. He also says gratitude is the secret to happiness.
I’m thinking of Christmas Day as I write this, and the many expectations we often have; our expectations are so lofty that the reality of how wonderful getting together is gets lost because everyone isn’t acting how we hoped.
What if Dennis Prager is onto something, and our expectations do cause many of our problems, especially the expectations we set for others? If we set a goal for ourselves to not get drawn into a contentious argument, that is a different thing than if we set that expectation for someone else. We do have control over our own actions, but wanting to control other people might be where the problem is.
The fewer expectations we put on other people, the better our lives might be. Even with my books, I’ve tried not to have expectations as to who would buy or read them. I wrote them and put them out into the world, which is as much control as I have. Being content with what is, and being willing to deal with what will be, might be the path to happiness.
Letting go of expectations might be one of the hardest things we try to do. Does it seem like we are giving up, and maybe we are, giving up trying to control others, which will be a good thing.
We can control some aspects of our lives, and other things in our lives we have no control over. We can fight against what we can’t control, but does acceptance of what we can’t change lead to a better life?
Happiness is a choice, you cannot choose what happens, but you can choose your reaction to it and be happy. Unknown
We might think we can’t be happy after certain things happen in our lives. How can we be happy if we lose a spouse? Won’t that seem like a sign we didn’t love them enough? I don’t think so. If we did the best we could while someone is alive, that’s the best we can do. Life is for the living. Mom lived fifteen years after Dad died, and although she missed him, she built a life, much of it centered on quilting. Quilting gave her an artistic outlet and something she could accomplish. She’d always loved fabric and sewing and had the time to create as much as she wanted. Sometimes when I’d call her, she’d be so immersed in her quilting she’d forget what time it was, and would miss lunch.
Did every quilt meet her expectations, or did she not have expectations about how the quilt would look, because you don’t really know how it will look until it is complete? Wondering what the finished product would be was part of the journey, and might be what motivated her to get up and sew every day.
If we can curb our expectations and watch life unfold, dealing with what is, and work toward what might be, without getting disillusioned because it isn’t that thing yet. This might be one of the keys to happiness. Can we Learn to live with progress, not perfection, and find satisfaction and happiness in the small and big things in life without trying to control everything?
Is being happy a gift to ourselves and others? What can we do to create a happier life, a happier countenance, and a happier family? Is gratitude the antidote we are looking for?
There is no path to happiness: happiness is the path. Buddha
Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy and you will always find something to be happy about. Sandra Cooze
Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy… until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy… unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you. Ralph Marston
Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.